12 weeks of motherhood

12 weeks ago, my life changed, and it changed forever.

I did not know at that time that my heart could be filled with love in spaces I never knew existed. I did not know at that time that I was going to go through the toughest and most challenging time of my life. I did not know at that time that my husband would prove to be my rock, that he would pick me up when I was down and I felt like I could not continue, that he would wipe away my tears and urge me to get through just one more day and that he would promise me that we would get through the next day together, that he would be there for our family when we needed him the most, that he would feed me and bathe me when I was unable to do it for myself, that he would rub and kiss my feet while I struggled to nurse during those early days and that he would still rub and kiss my feet while I nurse today. I did not know our relationship would strengthen as each day passes and that I would learn to love him in a completely different and more meaningful way. I did not know that I would thank the Almighty countless times for choosing him to be my partner. I did not know that my life was incomplete before she was born, before she turned what I thought was my life upside down, before she showed me what was truly important, before she taught me to find the joy in all experiences and most importantly, before she showed me that everything in life comes from the Almighty. I did not know that my faith and belief in the Almighty would strengthen and become the most important thing to me in this life. I did not know, I did not know, I did not know.

I look at the space in my room where her cot is today, and I think about how empty that space was before. Life without her seems like a distant memory. Life without her seems meaningless.

During the past 12 weeks there were so many days where I would think about the times where I had freedom and control. Where I would reminisce about sleep and cooking and baking and reading and cleaning and about feeling bored. But today I realize that all those things are unimportant. Today I realize that I am a mother, that I am needed and wanted by a life that was placed inside of me, that I was chosen to be the mother of Princess Porschie and that my life has only really begun.

Today is another day where I am reminded of how thankful I need to be to the Almighty for my countless blessings. All praises are due to the Almighty.

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