The time is drawing nearer and nearer for me to return to work, and I am becoming more and more nervous. As I am sitting on her great grandmothers bed, watching her sleep so peacefully (I am trying to get her used to these surroundings, because soon this is where she will be while I am at work), so many unanswered questions are going through my mind – how will she be without me? How will I be without her? Will I be able to work and be a mother? Am I going to be able to continue breastfeeding? Will my baby want to continue nursing? Will my baby still love me the same way? Will she one day resent me for going back to work? What is going to happen if I need to travel for work? What is going to happen if I need to work late one day and I cannot be there to tuck her into bed? Gosh oh gosh, I wish I did not have to step into the next stage of motherhood just yet. I’m just not ready. It’s been so rough the first three months, and now I have to go through another big adjustment. I’m just not ready!
We chose the way we live our lives and we chose the things we call necessities. And by choosing these things, I chose to become a working mother. So many things fall into perspective once you become a parent, as you truly realize what is important in life and what is a true necessity. There are so many things, material things, that I have in my life that I do not need and can live without. But yet, I have chosen to go back to work.
But I need to remind myself that I have chosen to work for my little girl. I chose to work so that I may provide for her all the many things we would not otherwise have been able to. I chose to work because I have my parents, who are so willing to care for my Ammaarah while I am at work. I chose to work so that I may contribute towards our future as a family, so that I may contribute towards fulfilling some of her dreams. I chose to work to make her life that little bit easier.
You see, it is all for her. It is all for my family. And not forgetting, it is all and only because the Almighty has granted me the ability to do this. I have so much to be thankful for, and so much to be grateful for. Again I am reminded that all praises are due to the Almighty.