Whomp whomp whomp…the all too familiar sound of my electric breast pump doing what it does best…at 5:30 in the morning!! I am so tired, I can’t keep my eyes open, please can I have just a few more minutes of sleep? Am I really going to be doing this for another 7 months (or even longer)???
Expressing has been going really well so far. I am thankful that I have been able to express sufficiently for her (even if it just marginally) and that almost five months later, she is still exclusively breastfed. I feel as though it is such a huge achievement! (pat myself on the back!)
But despite feeling this huge satisfaction, I cannot help but absolutely hate having to express this morning. The thoughts running through my mind surround the fact that right now I feel as though I cannot wait until this is no longer required of me. But isn’t that so selfish of me?! Because the only reason why I hate it at this moment is because of sleep. All I want is to sleep just that tad bit longer.
Motherhood has taught me so many things. And this morning, my motherhood has shown me the true meaning of faith and belief, patience, perseverance and self motivation. Because at this very moment, those are the only things getting me through this session. Faith and belief that I need to continue because there must be a reason why I am able to produce enough for her (I have always been a slow producer), so I have to continue. Patience because each session takes at least twenty minutes. Perseverence because I have to constantly fight myself to complete just that one session and constantly remind myself of the reasons why I am doing this. And self motivation, because I each morning I have to motivate myself (especially as the mornings are becoming colder) to wake up earlier than usual so that I can complete my morning session of expressing.
This must be normal. I cannot be the only one feeling this way about expressing. I know this must be fact. But why do I still feel so bad about having these thoughts??